Thursday, January 26, 2012

Another Walk with more Memories.

I took another walk to find myself, it was a six hour walk really. I was thinking about my friends again, and I was writing about my book again (yes the one I given up on)  listening to the 50th ep of Final Fantasy Union at the park, after it got dark, I looked at the moon and watched it for what seem like forever. I have this habit of trying to grasp it in my hand, as if it will give me wish, funny as I also saw shooting star and may a wish on it.

Today it was warm and it was slightly windy (very slight) it remind of the time that I would go north to see my family, it was a calming memory really.

As the days go by, I feel my fear and loneliness growing. I think the reasons I like walking is to relive past, it's like walking to the past to find path again. Thing about memories is that no matter how much you try, you lose them, it's a sad feeling as I want to try and remember the past, to honor my life, to keep it my heart as it will help to affirm I am alive.

Mood: Confused
Music: Final Fantasy Type-0 - ZERO / BUMP OF CHICKEN
Phrase of the day: "Don't Stop, Carry On!" - Victory Gundam

Dollow Rlance

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

The friends I miss

I was thinking about the friends from my past, and I was taking a good look at myself.

I will be very upfront, I am the worst person to my friends, I am a person believed that I could be alone all my life, I need the friends that I left behind and I would say "Who needs them, I am strong". I told myself that they did not care, and I hated them so much. But then I realized that it was just life, and some times we lose friends as we move on in life.

Today I was watching The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya and I was thinking about one of my friends from high school, and I found that I miss them, I went the down stairs to my kitchen to get somethings to eat, and I began to think about my friend again, their smile; and I lost it, I cried, I cried because I miss them so much, I am so lonely and I wanted some one talk to; and to listen their ideas and wanted them to hear mine. I stepped outside into the cold air and cried, I was sorry for treating my friends likes crap, for trying to play the strong loner type and being silent about myself.

I am sorry, I want to go back in time and tell them I am sorry, and tell them so much stuff, to not ignore them and always believe that they abandoned me. It was I who abandon them, I want to say I love you guys, I want you to know I want us to be together again even for just a little while, I want to say "I Love you, you mean the world to me, and I want you to know that I will remember you."

I love my friends so much

Mood: Broken up
Music: The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya - Gymnopedies Dai 1-3 ban
Phrase of the day: "There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy" - Dante

Dollow Rlance

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Walking and the feelings that I have

Again a long time since I last posted

I love to take walks for many reasons, I always see it as a way to run away from my problems that could never be solved very easily. Walk across the street and pass house that stand, and I as I move to the park, I will go the baseball benches and sit for a little while, then I walk again and wonder around. I always look at the sky too, that's something everyone does I know, but when I look to it would sometimes put my hand towards it as if I was trying to reach something there, to grab it, to take it with me, but I never to get it, when the moon is out in the day I would enclosed my hand around it too, but I would not be able to get that as well. I wish I could run away forever and enjoy the wind against my face. I love to walk, and the path is always in front of me, and will try reach the end.

Mood: Hopeful but sad
Music: Spiral: Suiri no Kizuna
Phrase of the day: "...As long as you never give up; there will as be hope, so I'm sure fate can be changed"
Madoka Narumi from Spiral: The Bond of Reasoning

"I'm sure it can Madoka , I'm sure it can."